Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
