I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize