My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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