Can Purell be used as lube?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
