i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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