Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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