Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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