my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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