he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
