I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
