I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
