Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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