On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
