It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
