I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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