Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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