Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
