I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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