If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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