My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
