Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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