You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
