I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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