Sponge bath it is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
