i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
