dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
