is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
