the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
