I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
