theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
