She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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