If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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