I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
