i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize