do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize