next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
