nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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