we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
