Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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