how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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