Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
