happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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