member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
