please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
