Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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