I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
