he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
