My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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