just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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