Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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