I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
