There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
