Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
