So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
