I'll bet she douches with gravy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
