I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
