it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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