I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
