Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
