do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
