all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
God I need to hump something, right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
